Not on the AT4!!!

After we stopped gagging, we started heckling Chad. Mike was teasing him about the smell. I was teasing him about the situation, and the way the MRE bag looked full of his shit. He was silent. One minute passed….

….two minutes…..

….three minutes…..Mike was still heckling Chad without any response from Chad. Finally, Chad said in a voice that can only be described as meek. It sounded like a kid who was telling his mom that he wet the bed. “Guys, that was the most traumatic experience of my life. I had explosive diarrhea. I shit over everything!” WHAT? “What do you mean by ‘everything’?”, I asked. He replied, “Man, I shit on my hands, I shit on the bench THAT’S MY SEAT! , I shit on my BDU pants, I shit on my JLIST (Chemical Suit)….shit splattered on the canvas (the cover that covered the cargo area), I even got shit on the AT4!”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “You shit on the AT4?” (Now, for those of you who do not know, the AT4 is best described as a “Single-shot” Bazooka. It is a round of ammunition contained in a disposable firing tube. As, you might have guessed the AT stands for “Anti-Tank” and it is designed to take out enemy armor.) But, just as soon as I had started laughing, I stopped. It quickly became “unfunny”. I began yelling, “Dude, that’s fucked up! I’m not sitting back there anymore. YOU CAN MONITOR THE RADIO FROM NOW ON!” Chad said, “Man, you know you have to be back here…you’re the only Arabic linguist. Besides, don’t worry…I cleaned it up…I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned…I cleaned so good…” (He was using the meek “child shitting the bed voice” again). He then said, “We need to switch back as soon as we stop.” I was hoping this would be later than sooner, but unfortunately this was not the case. Within a half an hour we had stopped to refuel…and I was sitting alone on a poop-stained bench in my Pit of Despair.

The End