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April 8th, 2008

BVD’s and Two Left Boots: Part Four

A third man walked up and stood between Easton and me. He began digging in a pile of clothes that I had assumed belonged to Easton. He began to cuss…it was quiet at first…then he searched the floor. He cussed louder and then looked left and right. Easton was ignoring him. I said, “Dude, what are you looking for?” He said, “I can’t find my fucking underwear! I think someone took them.”

 

I swear that it totally flew over my head.

 

“Your underwear? Why would someone steal your underwear,” I asked. He said, “I don’t know, but I can’t find it, and I know I had left it here before I went into the shower.”

 

I swear that it still hadn’t dawned on me.

 

“I opened my backpack and said, “Maybe I put it in here by mistake with my dirty laundry, what color was it?”

 

It was at THIS moment that I looked at Easton and noticed the bulging eyes and the snapped shut mouth. He was looking at me with a strange look that I couldn’t place…and it still hadn’t dawned on me.

 

“Gray, they were gray! I can’t believe someone stole my fucking underwear.”

 

IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!

 

I laughed straight in that poor soldier’s face. He stared at me with a pissed off look like I’d punched him with my laughter. I said, “Man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh, I just think it’s messed up that someone stole your drawers.” Then without skipping a beat, I looked at Easton and said, “Hey, Rob (Easton’s name), guess what I did? I accidentally brought two left boots…can you believe that shit?” We walked out of the tent without another word to the other soldier.

 

Easton said, “You can’t tell anyone about this shit! Do you hear me?” He outranked me, so he tried to make it sound like an order, but it came out like a child saying, “You can’t tell mom about this”. I was too busy trying to figure out whom I was going to tell first to pay him any attention. We walked into the sleep tent and folded neatly on his bunk was the pair of gray underwear that Easton had forgotten to bring to the showers. I suggested that he probably shouldn’t be wearing some other dude’s drawers, especially since he didn’t know where they’d been. He quickly tossed the other man’s briefs in the garbage and donned his own. While he was doing that, I was telling everyone working on shift the whole ordeal of how he had stolen another man’s underwear and how I couldn’t tell my left from my right.

 

Two days later I found a red L and a red R written on the back of a pair of my boots…

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