Big Mexican Dinner

Really, Obama? Joe Biden? The guy from the “slave state”? The senator who’s been banned from every Dunkin’ Donuts in Delaware? I mean, I don’t want to take anything away from the guy, he’s definitely served his state and his country honorably for the past 36 years…but GET REAL. Whenever I hear this guy’s name, all I can think of is the time he said, “You can not go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian Accent…I’m not joking.” I remember thinking then that he was a crazy old white man with no real shot to be president. I was right, but vice president had never occurred to me. I guess Obama just REALLY doesn’t want race to play an issue in this campaign, and what better way to make sure that’s the case than to team up with a racist? Obama, get real! Do you really want THIS guy speaking on your campaign?

I’d like to throw out a birthday wish to my best friend since high school. Happy Birthday, Malcolm. We’ve come a long way since then, eh?

I owe a buddy of mine a couple of blog entries that I promised to make, but haven’t gotten the chance to write yet. However, I will get them up. In the meantime, I’m putting in a place holder with this new blog I discovered. It made me laugh…not because it’s funny, but because it’s true. It is obviously a mockery of the popular Stuff White People Like blog . Check it out when you get a chance.

Enjoy.

By now, many of you have probably heard some of the commotion surrounding the poor little Chinese girl who was deemed too ugly to be shown singing during the Olympic opening ceremonies. Apparently, one of the pedophiles in the Chinese Politburo decided that it better served China’s “National Interest” if 7-year-old Yang Peiyi wasn’t shown singing on camera, even though she was the person who’s voice was actually heard during the performance. Instead, she was replaced by 9-year-old Lin Miaoke. So, the little girl on TV was actually pulling a “Milli Vanilli” in front of the entire world.

Now, I openly admit that I don’t really give a shit about the opening ceremonies. I don’t give a damn if the Chinese wanted to have a tranny lip-syncing “I Will Survive” on that stage. It’s their show, and they can be as dicked up as they like. However, I am disgusted with their blatant exploitation of these two little girls. Sure, Yang Peiyi has a haircut like Moe from the Three Stooges and has a set of teeth closely resembling this fish, but she was still the one singing, and from the reports I’ve heard, did a damn fine job of it.

The Politburo, with one decision, has reinforced the very idea that misogynistic dick-lickers  around the world have been trying to perpetuate since the beginning of time. That idea is this, “If you’re a woman and you’re not hot, you’re not worth a damn thing. You’re basically reduced to being a walking glory hole for the lower strata of society.” Still, I don’t have a problem with China buying into this image. If they consider degrading women important to their “national interest”, I don’t give a damn. I’d be happy if we could just get them to stop putting lead in our children’s toys and in our pet food.

Believe me, I understand the concept of keeping up appearances. Having been “the fat kid” for my entire life, I am intimately aware of  how looks can immediately make people draw conclusions about every aspect of your ability, personality, and overall worth (especially with women and in the military). Still, I would like to think that the government of a major country in this world would be above such petty bullshit. Unfortnuately, China is not, and I cannot even pretend to care enough to have a major problem with it. I don’t live in China, so fuck ‘em. However, what I do have a problem with is them not letting these little girls grow up a little before subjecting them to such ugly realities of life. Children aren’t supposed to be taught how fucked up human behavior is…they’re supposed to figure it out through their own vile actions towards others.

In conclusion, I’d like to point out that if the Chinese had pulled this shit with adult women, I’d be writing a totally different blog right now. I’d be pointing out to the Politburo that if it wasn’t for ugly chicks they’d never get laid…neither would I for that matter, so they should just give it a rest!

As you may have heard by now, there seems to be a pretty good war escalating in Georgia. Apparently the Russians that live in South Ossetia want outright independence or unity with North Ossetia, which is part of Russia. Now this conflict is not new to the world. In fact, there was another war fought over the same shit hole in the early 1990’s after the breakup of the Soviet Union. Since then, South Ossetia has pretty much been an autonomous region, operating without international recognition.

During the past few weeks, clashes have begun to rise again. This morning, it all sparked into a major shit storm when apparently the Georgians launched an assault on separatists. The assault started just hours after Georgia declared a cease-fire (they are apparently very sneaky assholes). Not surprisingly, those other assholes, the Russians, responded the only way they know how…by launching an assault of their own.

When asked for a comment, U.S. Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice said, “Russians in Georgia? That’s absurd. I was just in Atlanta last week, and I didn’t see any Russians.”  In Montgomery, the capital of neighboring Alabama, panic has striken the multitudes who fear that they may be next. The governor has declared a state of readiness and suggessted that all non-essential personnel haul ass for the Mississippi line.

Where is President Reagan when we need him?

Dear Towel Rack in my living room (AKA the Schwinn Recumbent Bike),

I admit it. You WHUPPED MY ASS today, but I’m coming back for more! It’s on like…

DONKEY KONG!

I am a little disappointed to admit this, but I am disgusted by boobs for this first time in recorded memory. If you recall this post, you will remember that I am generally in line with Rodney Carrington’s viewpoint on breasts. That includes the line that states “…there’s no such thing as a bad breast, I believe this much is true, if you’re a big fat man, I’m a titty fan, and I’d love to see yours too!”

That was true until right now. I am sitting in my room in my parents’ house messing around on my computer, and my man-boobs are sweating.

Sweaty man-boobs are not particularly abnormal for me, it’s hot as balls in this room. It always has been. The abnormal part is that my mother has put a “desk” in this room that has a mirror right in front of it. So, as I sit here and type with no shirt on, I am forced to look at my sweaty, flabby, disgusting B cups. Then when it gets too sweaty I have to wipe off the undersides of these meaty monstrosities. Sweaty female boobs never have bothered me, in fact, it’s kind of hot…however, this….well, it’s just disgusting.

On a positive note, I have some pretty fabulous nipples, if you can get past the rhino sweat and stretch marks!

That’s all.